What Happened to Respect?

I recently have noticed a bunch of hostility and brought on high and mighty attitudes of what is better for someone’s child. They are typically all the controversial topics:

Vaginal Birth vs Cesarean Birth
Formula Feeding vs Breast Feeding
Co-Sleeping vs Independent Sleeping
Non-circumcision vs Circumcision

I think a lot of it boils down to attached parenting vs traditional parenting, but it also depends upon how you were raised as a child or what your family is, and what your knowledge or insight on a certain topic is. I have always been the type of mother to listen to both sides, and take my own opinion from that. When I was first a new mother I got a lot of unwanted advice and I would just nod and move on. I’m tired of all these women preaching on what is best for someone’s child…if it was the best for your child, that’s wonderful, but my child is not your child, and I am not you (thank God!). This definitely isn’t towards any one person, this is just something I have noticed a lot of, more so now than ever.

Let’s start off with my decisions, I had to have a cesarean birth for my daughter. It wasn’t emergency, but I did have a date set. My child was stuck in my ribs, I had two cracked ribs, and she was not coming out. In fact during my c-section I had to be opened wider so the dr could pull her out of my ribs that she was actually stuck in. I was also not showing any signs of labor, no dilation, no effacing, absolutely nothing…which with her stuck in my ribs, she would have never came that way anyways. I also have scoliosis pretty bad, so that is another reason why my c-section was scheduled ahead of time.

As for breastfeeding and formula feeding…I never grew up around anyone that ever talked about breastfeeding or anyone that did it…so to me breastfeeding was “weird”, until my daughter was born and I then really wanted to do it, but I never got any milk, so I had to formula feed my daughter or she would have starved to death. I’m hoping the second time around, something might change and I will be able to breastfeed my son/daughter.

We co-slept with our daughter until she was 6 months old. I really loved co-sleeping with her (also known as bed sharing) but we only did so because of my PPD (post partum depression). I was afraid of letting her sleep in her crib or on her own in fear of someone hurting her. Our next child we may or may not co-sleep, I will be put on medication right away for my PPD so I don’t experience what I did with our daughter. The first 6 months of her life is a complete blur to me.

Now what I quite don’t understand is how someone has the right to tell me what is correct for my child, or tell someone else what is right for her child. What ever happen to respecting people and their opinions? Why do people try to force their parenting style on other moms? I really wish that people would respect others and let them parent their child how they want to. Whether it be attachment parenting, traditional parenting, or a mix in between. I really don’t want to hear about how terrible of a mother I am for having a cesarean birth, or for formula feeding my child, especially if a person doesn’t know the underlying reasons…same with other mothers, you do not know their reasoning for their decisions so don’t push your parenting “skills” onto them.

That being said, I am planning on trying for a VBAC for my next child, if I ever get pregnant, since we are on our 8th month of trying to conceive. I also plan on doing everything I can to breastfeed my child as well. Now that doesn’t mean when/if I can’t actually have a VBAC to remind me of what a failure I am, or even the same with breastfeeding.

I will now step off my soap box…but just think about things you say to someone, before they come out the wrong way.

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